Close but not Quite

Living in Rexburg has been an interesting experience. The first week we were without Michael we were on the road the whole time. Then the next week we were all excited about moving into our new place. Then the next week we were able to visit 2 or 3 old friends and it was a fun use of time. Here we are in the fourth week without him and all of a sudden I feel very alone.

At least my kids are adorable. 

More cuteness! These are their cheese faces. 

I had wanted so badly to move back here because I missed living in town. (What did I just say? Who am I?) I really just missed having friends around. When we were living in the trailer park my friends were all so close. You almost couldn't go outside without seeing 3 or 4 people you knew and chatting for a bit. I loved that community feeling. I especially loved our neighbors. They have a little boy Ivan's age and these kids play so great together. Plus there was a park right behind my house. I could watch Ivan from my house while he played and I didn't ever feel like he was that far from me. I felt so safe there. Then we moved to Florida and everything wants to eat you! It was too much of a shock for me. So coming back sounded like such a relief that I hadn't taken into consideration just how different it would be. We wouldn't be living in the same place since we sold our trailer. And I'm still so glad we did that. I can't imagine what it would feel like to move back into that place and have 3 kids there. Especially after living in our new apartment where space is not just a luxury, it's a given. But the community feel isn't here. Our house is on the corner of two busy roads and it's the only house for a half mile.

Picnics in the living room! Ivan says he feels like he's at the beach when he gets to sit on that towel. 

This is her favorite blanket. Ivan showed her how to wear it like this and now she has to have it just like this whenever she wakes up. 

The church we go to now is different too. We had been going to a student ward, meaning all the people going to that church meeting were our age (ish) and had similar circumstances to us. It also meant that there wasn't a class for Ivan. He would just get stuck with the little kids and I wanted him to have a chance to learn more. So now we go to the family ward. Anybody that lives in the area goes to church with us. And what we've found with family wards here is that they don't take kindly to students. The people figure students won't be here long so why get to know them. The first 3 Sundays at church I had to introduce myself over and over because nobody remembered me. They would all ask where my husband was and again I would repeat myself and say he was in Florida finishing his internship. I got no home teachers, no visiting teachers, and no friends from that place. I have always heard of the church being such a great place to serve and be served. And here I am really needing help and nobody helped me.

Playing at the playground that's at the nature park. Charlotte loves those sunglasses. 

I'm third trimester pregnant and I should be on bedrest. My doctor has told me that with as many contractions as I'm having and with all the extra work of being a single parent that I should be in bed all day. But she's more practical than that. She knows I'm not just going to stay in bed. She also knows that staying in bed is much more mentally taxing for someone with my personality and thinks that if I try to be on bedrest that I'll have a baby sooner just from the stress of it all. So here we are with the ultimate dilemma. Michael won't be home for another week and a half. I miss my husband. And this pregnancy is really hard.

Picnic in the garage! Having a garage is the best. 

So what do we do with our time? We hit up the library at least once a week, sometimes more. Charlotte loves the fish and jumping on the bean bags. Ivan loves playing on the computers and it gives us a chance to switch out our movies. We go to a playplace at least once a week. We watch movies all the time, like almost every waking moment. And we go to the park constantly. The nature park here is so nice. We feed the ducks, take a walk, then play at the playground. We also spend lots of time at the DI. It is easily Ivan's favorite store. I don't even waste my time looking for things for me anymore. We just head straight to the yard area and I let the kids run free and play with all the toys. We go somewhere every single day. This is how I stay sane.

Chasing the ducks, then the ducks turned on them. Charlotte was not ok with that. 

Trying to stay away from the ducks. 

Arctic Circle has our favorite playplace in town. Not my favorite place to eat though. I guess I'll count that as a good thing cuz we usually only get fries and play instead of eating a whole meal there. 

Shame on you people! I have asked for help. I have asked for play dates. I have asked for company. I have cried myself to sleep more nights than I can remember. I have not been nice to my kids. I have had a few nights that a babysitter has come over and watched the kids so I could have some alone time. But that's not really what I want. I went out to dinner and felt like such an idiot for eating there by myself. I felt so alone that I just sat at the table and cried. My waitress had no idea what to do so she just never came back. I don't know why I expect so much out of just the ordinary. I guess I just wanted the friends that I had before I moved to still be my friends when I came back. I wanted people to spend time with me. I sound absolutely pathetic. I feel absolutely pathetic.

I can't wait for Michael to get home. I really miss him.

I decided to bring some beach toys to the splash park with us to see if the kids liked the water more then. Not really. They would only play with this tiniest fountain. At least it kept them occupied. 

We got to ride the carousel! Ivan absolutely loved it! He kept neighing and saying he was a cowboy. Then he would say woohoo the rest of the time. Afterwards he talked about the carousel for hours. Charlotte was a little less interested before it started. Once it did get going, she had a death grip on that handle and would cry if I wasn't holding her. She cried worse than Ivan when it came time to leave though. Now any time we're at that park the kids will ask to go on the carousel. I tell them they have to wait for dad to take them. Now any time Ivan wants to do something and I tell him no, his response is "well, we can just wait til dad gets home, then we can to -insert random fun thing here-"