Christmas Wampler Style

My sister-in-law Laura, Michael's brother Christopher's wife, has this really cool tradition that any time she goes camping she keeps a log of random funny comments. It's extra hilarious if you were there to hear it in context, but still fun to try and figure out who said what and how that could have been said to make sense. Chris and Laura just moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico at the beginning of the month so we missed them on Christmas. As a tribute to her, we recorded our own funny comments. Here they are.

"I date lots of 'girls.'"

"Bring him here and I'll take his arms off for you."

"What can we do to him? He just needs to snap out of it."

"She has 2 cats and 1 dog... How do you survive?"

"How do you have that conversation? Put more chapstick on and you'll know."

"Brenda's nickname is the body snatcher."

"It's not exactly her name, it's what she does."

"He knew we would have a bucket for all of his arms."

"I'm sorry I missed that, Gavin's face was hurting."

"I don't want your cup. You're pregnant and I don't want to catch it."

"She doesn't have a uterus. Neither does your dad."

"I hate sties. I used to live in one."

"When the delirium begins to set in the card games become the funnest."

"Your telepathy is going this way so she didn't hear a thing."

"Stink you."

"I was totally touching you during a large portion of last night."

"Your mucous doesn't seem to be coming out yet. We've got a booger sucker."

"Mucous kinda like attracts you. Well she likes to pick my nose."

"If you're gonna suck, suck good."

"Did your braces do that to you? No, I've always been that way."

"And they pee when you plug their nose."

"That's the first time I've had a sheep in that area."

"Do you need me to touch your leg to equalize your temperature?"

"She called herself a mule. Do you know what else a mule is called?"

"He was climbing me like I was a mountain. That didn't do anything to help my self-esteem."

"We can't do fish faces if we smile."

"Where did your bottom lip go?"

"My face is twitching."

"I really like your reindeer... You can have it... I really like your computer too."

"You popped its head off and it's just not the same."

"I'm so excited. Is that what that face says? Looks more like you're constipated."

"No one even says that part. Who even knows that's a part?"

"I should write that down too... or we should just record it."

"Your stench has lingered... maybe it's just your BO."

"How could you not help it? Have you been doing your Kegels?"

"So that's what you do those for!?"

"I can't believe I chose you."

"You're coming home with me dismembered reindeer."